The issue I have is this: The reconciliation attempt opens up the faithful spouse to more abuse by someone who has proven themselves to be abusive. Having discovered my husband (now ex-husband) was having an affair earlier this year, I've been riding the infidelity/betrayal rollercoaster. I have responded respectfully and encouraged people to spend a bit of time understanding the point of view expressed on this site before attacking it.

In short, their anger seems to erupt from a belief that (1) there really is little or no hope for a satisfying marriage after an affair, (2) that I and other counselors sell false hope for our own profit, and (3) that my message of affair healing assumes that the marriage will be saved.

There are many cheaters who really never wanted to have an affair during their marriage but then come to time when they do. From the author: “I tend to divide cheaters into two camps: those who attempt remorse and those who step over your crumpled, sobbing body and go fix themselves a Hot Pocket. The silver lining has been addressing the ways in which I withdrew from people all my life, which has cleared the way for a better marriage. All this while being a single parent to a disabled older child who is now 10 and a baby who is now 2. I, too, am bothered by the “relationship experts” who hold out an expectation that a betrayed spouse can somehow get their marriage back on track without the full-hearted effort of the cheater.

But my enthusiasm for that message is dampened by the frequently expressed opinions that cheaters should be dumped, betrayed spouses who want to save their marriage are chumps, and those who encourage relationship recovery (especially marriage counselors) are no better than ambulance chasers, greedy to profit from the pain of others but without any real remedies.Others may not find the author a credible source because of the simplistic reductionist 'tub-thumping' strategy she uses- they will realize the actual situation is a lot more complex. The author’s empowering message mixed with a good dose of humor would be a welcome relief to anyone who feels trapped and alone.